we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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