I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize