A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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