The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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