If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
