p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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