I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
