Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize