was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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