My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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