So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
