I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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