is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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