btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
