Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
