I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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