Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
