and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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