i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i barfeds in our rink
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
