Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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