I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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