I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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