what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
