I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
