well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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