Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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