Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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