Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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