just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
