Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
