I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
