How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude. I can hear the air.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
