You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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