If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
