You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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