Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
