Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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