Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You don't make any sense
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