3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
