Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
