I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
