I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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