I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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