I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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