I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
