In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
