So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
