He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
