im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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