I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
