wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
