11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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