dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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