The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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