I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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