I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
