I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
