Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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