I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
