Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
