my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I AM VODKA MAN
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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