Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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