Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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