State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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