Swine flu. Run for my life!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
