By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
