whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
