New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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