I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
