the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
