At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
