we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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