i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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