It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
